i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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