You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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