I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
