I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I need water and some morals
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
