i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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