This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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