Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Green mimosas i think yes
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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