Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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