If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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