I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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