Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
