After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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