when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
