Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize