My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just found puke in my bra..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
