Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
