i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
