I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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