Have you finally orgasmed yet?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
