He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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