Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
