I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
