ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
