i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
