i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
