Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
