Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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