Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
