I just threw up on my dentist
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize