i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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