i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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