Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
