the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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