so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
