Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
