Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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