I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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