All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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