He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
