Buhtt sex?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
