Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
