so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
honey bunches of taint.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
don't judge my taste in strippers
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You ruined the universe
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
