Will you blow on my dice?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
