it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Randomize
