So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
