So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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