Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize