Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
