im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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