Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
