The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
