capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
