I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
