it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
