alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
