i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
