Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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