I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
