there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
