Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
