I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
two words: eviction party
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
