please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
