Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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