I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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