So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
