I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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