Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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