I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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