All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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