i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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