just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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