Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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