Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
a search helicopter?!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize