I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
