i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you traded sex for a burrito?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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