I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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